Wednesday, February 15, 2017
Every Little Step Counts
I was begging Molly to come home for the year. She would not hear of it. She wanted to give it time and see if anything got better. She is amazing. I am IMPATIENT!!
I was just so grateful for the kids at church that were embracing my kids with their whole heart. Most of them are homeschooled.
Even though I was begging Molly to come home, I was not 100% sure I was ready to homeschool again. It takes a major life change. It is a full time job.
I evaluated exactly what I was doing that was so much better than homeschooling...
cleaning each room after the kids left for school, doing laundry, grocery shopping, mindless shopping. That reflection revealed the brutal truth that my days were adding up to a whole lot of NOTHING. I wanted to do all these things with and for myself and the kids, yet I was basically a housekeeper, driver, kind of decent cook.
Maybe I was made for more than this...
These were the thoughts I was having. Yes, I have a college degree. I was a teacher "before" having kids. There is plenty I could be doing. But my heart is here, with this family. I want more than anything to be a good mom who leads my kids to a good life. They make me a better person. I did not want more time away from them at a job. I wanted more time with them doing what I love..mothering!
But nobody wanted to homeschool..except the little kids and their school was fine...kind of.
And then one morning before school Emily asks to be homeschooled. If Pete were not sitting right next to me at the time of her question I would not have believed she said that.
Her coming home was NOT on the radar..Molly yes..but Em's?
She wanted to attend our church's homeschool program where she would answer to teachers other than me.
I made her go to school that day just to have us both think about it. I needed time to ask some questions to people who actually know what they are doing (which would be anyone but myself).
She never went back...
Molly was not as easy to convince. But we were stepping in the right direction!
Everyday I begged Molly to just wait until next year. There were a few times I could see she was cracking, but she's a stubborn cookie.
My problem, besides Molly's school looked like a prison, is I do not know anything about these kids. Even if Molly were to make a friend I would have a hard time just letting her go places and do things with them until I got to know them. Everything felt insurmountable...hormones (mine and hers), Pete working ALL the time, Emily transitioning to home and my heart breaking for Molly every time she left in the morning and came home.
Meanwhile, I'm floored by Emily and the amazing decision she made. She liked the kids she was getting to know from church. They did things together and the efficiency of schooling at home in High School is amazing.
I should not have fretted the way I did about Molly. I should have known that she was in God's hands. On All Saint's Day after mass Molly asked if she could homeschool. Praise God!
And then I told the little kids...