Monday, June 30, 2014
How We Begin A Story
It seems like a lot of stories I share start with just a handful of beginnings....Like, "When Pete and I lived here last time"....or "When I was growing up".........or... "When I used to homeschool"
We look back so much and are able to see how much we have learned or how things have changed. But for some reason it is hard to see the learning and changing in the right now. The right now sometimes is so charged with emotion and confusion it is hard to see the lessons going on.
I can see a pattern though. When I do start off those stories of when I used to live here, or used to homeschool, or when I was growing up the same message is part of each of those stories. I wasted a lot of time during those different times...time I can not get back. I wasted my time worrying about where I was going, what I was doing, how would it feel once I got there.
When I had 3 little kids really close together I wasted so much time trying to avoid another baby coming close to those 3....what a waste of time. I wish I had that baby right now that I so foolishly wished away. I wasted my time...I thought I would have plenty of it later on to have as many babies as I wanted. But that is not how things go, right?
We don't how God is going to change or redirect your story. I lived here in Alaska 7 years ago. I left here never wanting to return. The rain, the remoteness, all made me more than ready to leave once our tour was up. But the moment we arrived at our new duty station I knew I had wished away some place very special. I never thought we would be back here. I quickly forgot just how hard all the rain could be.
Here I am. God gave me another chance. I asked for this. I wanted to be back here. I did not want to waste this time...like I felt like I did last time. How am I doing?
Not perfectly! I love some things and I find myself wishing for other things. Another chance living here is wonderful...but wonderful can still involve some hard.
But my daily prayer right now is to not waste time anymore.....not waste time staying mad at people (myself included), not waste my time wishing for more blue skies....there is beauty in the gray, I just have to work harder finding it. Not waste time wishing Drew would be more still at mass...he will be bigger and quiet any minute now and needing me just a little bit less...and that will be awful...Not waste time thinking about anything but be happy right here, right now.
Because in a few years I will start off stories by saying, "When we used to live in Alaska...." and my heart will ache to have these moments back.