Monday, May 12, 2014

Seeking His Grace

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The other night I had a moment when I got so angry at one of my children.  I was boiling mad.  I went from content to outraged in a FLASH of a moment.  I did not expect that particular interaction at that moment.  I was truly caught off guard.  In the grand scheme of life this was not that big of a deal.  Just a 12 year old being a 12 year old and doing something without thinking about it.  I about lost my mind.

The whole event left me feeling disappointed in myself.  Why can't I keep my cool when caught off guard?  Why is so difficult for me to speak with love and correction and not let the anger take over?

I deeply want to train and correct with love.  My biggest struggle is to stay in a place of love, not anger when they do something that needs correcting.  If I expect change instantly from them, then I need to change instantly myself.  God, give me grace.

And that is where I am at right now...seeking His grace with each of my interactions with these kids.  I spent the whole next day, after the explosively mad incident with 12 year old, praying throughout the day to be prepared to deal with anger the next time it comes my way.  Before I needed the grace I was begging for it...

It helped...but I have a long way to go.

I texted a friend whom I respect very much.  A mother of 10 whom always leads me in the right direction...

Among the wonderful words she shared with me to lift me up she said she reads this little booklet called "Conformity to the Will of God" to give her encouragement. I ordered it instantly!!!

Today I received it...opened the first page of this little powerhouse booklet and read the first line....

"Nothing happens in this world but by the direction or permission of God."

Ok... what a comfort that one little line was.  I want to absorb that one sentence into my mind and replay those words in the moments right before the anger creeps its way in.

NOTHING HAPPENS IN THIS WORLD BUT BY THE DIRECTION OR PERMISSION OF GOD!!!

Amen.

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Happy late Mother's Day to all the moms out there who rock being a mama and a special prayer for the ones waiting their turn...God Bless us all!!

6 comments:

  1. I needed to read this tonight as I JUST had the exact same thing happen to me - just suddenly lost it and feeling so very dissapointed in myself. Another good thing to remember as mother's is that He has grace for us too...when we mess up. We try to be like Him and have grace for our kids, but we also should for ourselves.

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  2. The best way to overcome this is, after you have calmed down, apologize to the child you "lost it" with. All you say is, "I was wrong to yell at you. I do not want to ever do that again. Will you please forgive me?" Then, if you are both calm, talk it over. What were you afraid of in her behavior (fear is at the root of this)? Does she need reasonable correction?

    If you haven't lately, re-read "Parenting With Grace"--both the toddler and teen sections (teens really are the same as toddlers in many respects). You know you have to be the adult. And you know yelling and screaming is childish. Once I grasped this, if I ever fell into a panic, too angry to rationally deal with a child, I would either remove myself or the child to another room until I calmed down. This happened once when Peter was 3 years old and had bitten one of the others. I was so angry and afraid I would do something harmful so I put him in the bathroom and told him to stay there until I calmed down. I calmed down and then had a little meeting with all involved--found out the others were more at fault than Peter (they trapped him and wouldn't let him go--poor guy had to fight the only way he knew how, with his teeth!) Anyway, once I figured out everyone's role in this, we sorted it all out, dealt out appropriate "consequences" and it never happened again. And I learned a lot about how to keep myself the adult.

    Keep cool. Take the space and time you need. Refuse to fight. Refuse to yell. Refuse to argue. Just don't go there.

    Love, Kathy

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  3. Having blowouts here left and right, needed to hear that and be reminded! Love and miss you tons! :)

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  4. I am a fellow homeschool mom .... cannot even remember how I stumbled upon your blog, or at what point I did so ... but I have been touched by your words and your sweet pictures, as well as your reflections on your faith and your family. I have never commented here, but when I read this post, I just had to do so. Please accept a book recommendation in response to your post -- this is a book that has been HUGELY helpful to me as a parent, and it is written by Christian authors -- it is called "Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in you and your kids" by Turansky and Miller. You can find it on Amazon. Countless friends have benefited from it and also have formed small groups based on discussing it. I also reallllly love "Grace-Based Parenting" by Tim Kimmel. We all need the Lord, every hour. Peace and grace to you .....

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  5. I have a quote on my wall that says "If you can't have dignity in the moment, gain it in the turnaround" it is there for a reason, I need the reminder.
    You have such a beautiful family, Happy belated Mother's Day to you as well!

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