Thursday, March 27, 2014

Right Now:

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Days Filled With:

:  getting a 2 year old to do anything without saying "No"

:  reminding the other people who fill this house that they have not been 2 for a long time....but I promise        each of them were very much 2 at one point.  And I loved them through it.  It's Drew's turn.  It just takes a lot of effort

:  4 kids in school, which leaves me home with 2.  That feels pretty darn easy.  But they LOVE when everyone comes come.  Specially Drew, who adores Jack above all others.  As it should be.

:  I am working on a "quilt" style , which means not exactly perfect or well done.  But I have made 2 other small ones and they bring me such joy when I see kids wrapped up in them.  So it s worth me doing another poorly as I do them.

:  I am trying to knit.  My knitting is less than inspired recently.  The yarn store near me is getting some Mad Tosh and that will probably help.  I love her yarn but I am not a good internet yarn shopper...actually I am not good at internet shopping in any form.

:  The 2 older girls are going to visit my family this April.  Pete has a training course and he is flying the girls to Florida first.  I am so excited they are getting to see family.  I wish it were all of us, but not yet.  They are also getting to go on a cruise with Pete's mom.  They are so excited.  This is the longest I have ever not seen my mom so my heart is super lonely for her...sending the girls in my place is the next best thing.

:  Emily makes her confirmation this May.  I am not sure I have done a very good job of getting her ready.  But there is grace there even if I can't see it yet.  I know there is grace because I am who I am today because of it.

:  I am starting a Catholic Bible study at my church with 4 women...2 are not Catholic.  I feel honored to bring the truth and beauty of the Catholic faith to their heart.  What a gift they are about to receive.  When people want to learn more about the Catholic faith is can seem very overwhelming...there is just so very much.  It can be hard to know where to begin.  I am excited to help them begin.  Will they become Catholic???  I want the whole world to be Catholic I hope so!!

:  Spring is here, bikes are dusted off and we need to upgrade 3 of them.  The kids are dying for a trampoline and I want a outdoor umbrella.  Ours blew away one September windy day when I forgot to shut it.  There is so much to look forward to with Spring...but each season brings..STUFF.  And since I hate online shopping..I get a bit overwhelmed.

:  I read My Sisters The Saints...SOSOSOSOSSOOSSO good.  I have passed it on to 2 people already...both not Catholic. They loved it.  When people just share their story and their story involves The Church it moves them.  It takes the controversy out of all of it.  It is just our Lord, our Faith and the deep tradition that changes your life . People like to change their life. And if they don't know how to they like to read about people who have.  I need to share more.  Not be afraid of it.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014


..........I would become the person I am quickly becoming.  I started my parenting thinking everything would follow one straight line.  Truth be told, I don't even think I could locate the line I first dreamed of following. Would I want to?  If I remember correctly I began with the notion that 2 kids would make our family complete.  Things have changed in so many ways.

 Mostly what changed that plan was I fell in love with my beautiful faith and saw that God had so much more for me.  I jumped in.  I kinda steam rolled in.  I have a tendency to be super motivated when I want to be...I was super motivated to live my faith in everything I did.  And for that time in my was to be open to life.  And I've never been happier with my rash excitement and the results.


It's not just how many kids I was going to have for was the ideal education I was going to provide.  I was not going to go down the "normal" road with my kids.  I was going to classically educate them,  all the while gaining an education for myself that I found so inspiring. I would be doing all of this while looking adorable, having kept up my running, while living in a house that is kept up with 90% of the time.


But suddenly 2 years ago my desire to home school VANISHED.  Just as quickly as I devoted myself to the whole lifestyle...I abandoned it.  It never felt that swift to me, but time gives you perspective.  My heart was wondering for awhile...."What if I put my kids in school"????  I needed to know...

And here's what I now can clearly say about myself...I'm an ALL or NOTHING type girl.  It's either all the looking back ...or why even bother....

I kept Lucy home this year...until this week.  I have nothing left when it comes to home schooling.  I tried.  I made myself do it.  I can't anymore.  There is this little strip of guilt and grief I have...have I failed?  Did I do something to make all of this go wrong???



Is this wrong?  Is is wrong that I now have 4 school age kids attending school...3 kids swim 3 days a week, my oldest does dance and volleyball, my other does band and dance. We are becoming a busy family.  For 12 years I kept us at a VERY slow answer was always no...little kids needed to sleep and I needed to have a few hours every afternoon that were quiet.  But things are changing...less people need sleep.  More people need more to be engaged in.

I ask Pete..."Are you disappointed that we don't home school anymore?"...I want him to give words to the indescribable confusion I have in regards to that very question...I see him struggle to clarify his own thoughts.

"What we did made us who we are"....that was his answer today...

  Our faith is our constant.  Being Catholic is our rock.  That will never change.  How we school, what sports they play, what hobbies I indulge...all will change.  But loving God is our bottom line.  It is where we begin and end.




I make so many that my shame sometimes feels to much to bare. I recently feel like I made a series of mistakes that have humbled me greatly.  I know there is great grace when things feel like they feel right now and I am grateful for it...I need it.

But for now...all I can do is move forward.  A new season of lent is right before me.  A time of repentance and growth..both things I need.