Tuesday, December 17, 2013
I used to feel so much more confident when I wrote here. I remember writing a post about all of our "policies". I imagine I made some more experienced moms chuckle. When all my kids were living in the land of little and their greatest need was me, I thought I knew what I was doing...and if only people would do it like me then all would be well in the world.
And there is some truth to that...in a perfect world if all went perfect and we could take our emotions, mistakes, feelings and past out of the equation, things may go a bit more perfectly. But since my kids are getting a little older I find it more and more difficult to take my emotions, mistakes and feelings out of the equation.
These days I don't have much in the way of sharing how things should be done. I'm learning what it mean to be "on your knees for you kids" . I pray throughout the day ...all day...in my mind and in my heart...."Please Lord...help me do this right. Help me know God."
Not that things are going awful or that the kids and I are in a particularly difficult space. I love the space we are in. I love being a mama to these wonderful kids. I love getting up and seeing them every day. I love getting to try harder each day. I love knowing that it is in each moment I can choose to do better. What hope I get to live every day. In this third week of Advent I know that God is calling me to live with hope and joy.
Some days the hope is as simple as:
I hope to see the sun today...even for a minute.
I hope to smile when I really want to criticize.
I hope to see the good in each person I interact with today.
I hope I remember to thank God when I do choose to talk kindly instead of harshly.
And some days the hope feels more difficult....
But today...the sun did come out. I have smiled. I choose kind words.