Saturday, August 10, 2013

Looking Up

Sometimes we can get stuck in a rut.  And the funny thing is we may not even know we are there.  Admitting things are not great can be challenging.  And because we are trying to meet the challenge we may not know we are in a rut...get me??

Since living here I have been doing a lot of navel gazing.  That is the only way I can describe it!!  Looking inward at me...does she like me??  Am I saying/doing/thinking the right thing??  Why is she not calling me??  Does she like her better than me.  Very high brow thinking.  Very...6th grade.

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I thought I was just adjusting.  Trying to find the right way to live here..now...with these kids...meeting these people.  I tend to make quick judgement and then react.  And guess what???  I am getting older.  I am not the young mom anymore with a few little kids.  People may not want to be my friend just because they don't see any reason a mom with 6 kids should be worth investing time in.  And honestly...that is OK!!

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Anyway...I'm done!!  I have lifted my head and realized that I am me and I am not lacking.  Of course I am not perfect but I am a good friend..a fun friend... a good mom and a good wife.  I am a Catholic who loves to live her faith while sipping wine and knitting a sweater or two.  That is just the way I want to be.  I have waited a long time to feel this happy and looking inward makes nobody a better person.


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A friend a long time ago told me she needed to spend more time focusing on her family.  We were hanging out a lot and having a good time together, building a friendship that we both enjoyed.  I could not understand that her needing to focus more on her family had nothing to do with me.  My pride was so hurt that I could not truly hear what she was saying.  It took me a long time and a long separation to finally gain clarity.  And it feels so good to FINALLY understand something that felt so painful for so long.


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Things happen like that. What once seemed like the end of the world suddenly make perfect sense.  Navel gazing may feel like a bummer sometimes...but there is clarity and freedom that can be gained from introspection.  It feels good to be looking upward again!


6 comments:

  1. Beautiful family you have! Long ago when my children were younger a priest said "Carilyn, not everyone will be your friend and not everyone 's problems are your problems ". This is so very true in life!!! I 'm very sensitive, so I 've been told by family and friends, so that priestly advice always lingers in my mind and soul.....Helping me look up....

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  2. I understood this post so well. As a former (and sometimes lapsing) naval gazer I have to recommend a book by Fr. Lovasik, 'The Hidden Power of Kindness' never has any book better snapped me out of my focus on 'me' and helped me to realize things like * perhaps that person was grumpy because they are having a bad day, instead of thinking 'what did I do to them' and then obsessing over that. Every time I read it, I gain new and better insight about being detached in a sincere way of what others think of me while maintaining the gift of caring about others. I have a hard time describing it, but I hope you will check the book out and if you do, I'd love to know what you think.
    Here is the link: http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Power-Kindness-Practical/dp/1928832008/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376156724&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Hidden+Power+of+Kindness

    God Bless!
    Kathy

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  3. Moving is a big adjustment. We moved from the north to the south (of BC) just a year ago and I have gone through much of the same thinking as you are going through. I long so much to have meaningful friendships and sometimes I feel impatient and hurt that I am not meeting kindred spirits quickly enough. I found this post helpful (http://ourmothersdaughters.blogspot.ca/2013/07/capturing-context-of-contentment-in.html)but really it isn't easy starting over and meeting new people while being a busy mama.

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  4. We've been in Tennessee 5.5 years now and after having so many wonderful close friends in Sitka, have had only one here in the entire time (and her family only stayed 6 months--here she is, now she's gone!). What's been even tougher is to watch my kids remain friendless for this same period (spare the same 6 mos with this wonderful homeschooling family who God dropped on us).

    Lessons learned . . . our family is our life. I am glad now for the absence of close-by friends because it has helped make us a better family. We all still have "best friends"--many and thank God for all of them. But now they are a phone call, e-mail, or letter away. Now we plan trips to spend time with our friends--how blessed we are! But most of our time is living out our days together, being each others' best friends and working together to make this family strong.

    God bless you, friend,
    Kathy

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  5. So I'm still a young mom with four kids under 7 ...my baby just turned 2. We moved a year ago and for that, welll...whole time I did "navel gazing" too lol. I just recently snapped out of it about 3 weeks ago and have only had one rebound attack lol. It's hard when you want a friend...someone to just *be* with. I love my family too, and my faith, and a glass of wine ---- wish we lived closer I think I could learn a lot from you!

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  6. I found it hard to make friends when I moved for the first time with my baby. I just didn't connect with anybody. Then I found a church I loved and met some great families there. Now that my daughter is in college I have found great friends in my knitting group. God takes us where we need to be.

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