Friday, August 30, 2013

Being Present

I guess I should have mentioned that we decided to give public school a-go again this year. It was touch and go throughout the summer, but in the end I knew this was not my year to return to homeschooling. And after this week of big smiles, enthusiasm beyond description, bubbling excitement from all in the house, I feel at peace with where we are right now. Which having peace with decision is huge for me. I'm not sure how long the peace will last...because I already hear myself saying.."Are you kidding me...this is what you will be doing??" DSC_0372

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How did I get to this week??? Through lots of prayer. Lots of talking with the kids and Pete. After leaving Alabama in the spring I was more than inspired to try homeschooling again. Seeing my friends, whom I greatly admire, talking with their older girls, I felt my heart opening more to homeschooling again. When I first started to explore the possibility of keeping the kids home again I immediately started to feel great pressure. I decided to put the decision off, at least until we got settled.


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 As we got settled the kids began making friends, all of whom go to school. They wanted to try it. And even through all the prayers, I never felt the true desire to teach my kids. I have a desire to keep them close to me...keep them home...but teach them ..???

 As much as I asked God to really open my heart to feeling convicted to teach them ...I never did. Then I kept thinking...act first, the feeling may follow. But the hill just seemed like too much to climb...for me...right now.

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 I don't know if I will always feel this was. I have a lot I have asked the Lord for this year and so far this is His answer to this particular prayer. I do know that He has showed me where I need to do this whole "school " thing different, BETTER. I made a lot of errors last year. I mean TONS of errors. Like I think I did it all wrong. But through God's mercy, and another school year, I get to try again.

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I think I feel more at peace because I have realized that just because I don't teach them all their school subjects I still have a great amount of influence over them.  For some reason I thought it was all or nothing.  I had to do everything or I might as well do nothing.  But the truth is I am important to these kids whether I teach them at home or they school out of our home.  What Pete and I do in this house is what will form them.  I plan on doing some major forming this year and I think I am first on the menu.  I need to be continually forming myself in order to form them .  I can see this now....

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So as we prepared for our back to school I choose a word that would be my word this school year. The word I choose is "Present" .  I will focus on being present ...being present to my kids, my Pete, my God, my friends.  A friend with 10 kids texted me right before school started and she gently advised me on being present.  I needed that word.

4 comments:

  1. Good for you! 6 years ago, I put my kids in public school and it was the right decision, a hard one but the right one. I did it in a VERY strong homeschooling community (Front Royal, VA home of Seton) and was surprised at the loving support I received from my close homeschooling friends because we all really cared about each others kids (I expected more backlash and got a little but not from my circle). We can see all the fruit of that decision because I was tapped, and felt myself not being present because teaching them was taking me to a place I didn't want to be as Mom, and I felt like I was failing them big time. I had visions of them running from the house as soon as they were old enough *sob*. I now, 6 years later, after MUCh prayer have brought my 3 youngest home in order to get the kind of time I got with the older ones - and I'm so happy about this. I tend to be ALL OR NOTHING; GO BIG OR GO HOME much to my own demise. Deciding to just homeschool the younger ones was huge because I didn't see the wisdom in doing so for all of them. We are taking this one year at a time because I struggle with being teacher as well. I really love this post and appreciate your putting it out there.

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  2. I have gone back and forth with this decision too - my situation slightly different just because i have two kids with autism. In the end, I decided to homeschool the older ones and let my younger one go to a developmental preschool so he could have the speech therapy and then I could have a couple hours to teach the older ones. It has been a lot of pressure ... but I finally decided the pressure was coming from me having expectations of myself that were coming from society...I was sure I would fail my kids and not teach them what they were "suppose" to know. I'm not sure if I will do this forever...but for now it is right for us. I'm glad your kids are happy and seeking God...and your heart still feeling one way...well...I think that's a sign that this was right. :)

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  3. I have been waffling myself lately. Feeling very overwhelmed. For me, however, we live in a terrible school district! I might have chosen a different path if we could afford private school or we lived in a decent school district.
    You are doing what is right for you and your family and how can that be anything but God's will!

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  4. This is so what i needed to read tonight.

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