I guess I should have mentioned that we decided to give public school a-go again this year. It was touch and go throughout the summer, but in the end I knew this was not my year to return to homeschooling. And after this week of big smiles, enthusiasm beyond description, bubbling excitement from all in the house, I feel at peace with where we are right now. Which having peace with decision is huge for me. I'm not sure how long the peace will last...because I already hear myself saying.."Are you kidding me...this is what you will be doing??"
How did I get to this week??? Through lots of prayer. Lots of talking with the kids and Pete. After leaving Alabama in the spring I was more than inspired to try homeschooling again. Seeing my friends, whom I greatly admire, talking with their older girls, I felt my heart opening more to homeschooling again. When I first started to explore the possibility of keeping the kids home again I immediately started to feel great pressure. I decided to put the decision off, at least until we got settled.
As we got settled the kids began making friends, all of whom go to school. They wanted to try it. And even through all the prayers, I never felt the true desire to teach my kids. I have a desire to keep them close to me...keep them home...but teach them ..???
As much as I asked God to really open my heart to feeling convicted to teach them ...I never did. Then I kept thinking...act first, the feeling may follow. But the hill just seemed like too much to climb...for me...right now.
I don't know if I will always feel this was. I have a lot I have asked the Lord for this year and so far this is His answer to this particular prayer. I do know that He has showed me where I need to do this whole "school " thing different, BETTER. I made a lot of errors last year. I mean TONS of errors. Like I think I did it all wrong. But through God's mercy, and another school year, I get to try again.
I think I feel more at peace because I have realized that just because I don't teach them all their school subjects I still have a great amount of influence over them. For some reason I thought it was all or nothing. I had to do everything or I might as well do nothing. But the truth is I am important to these kids whether I teach them at home or they school out of our home. What Pete and I do in this house is what will form them. I plan on doing some major forming this year and I think I am first on the menu. I need to be continually forming myself in order to form them . I can see this now....
So as we prepared for our back to school I choose a word that would be my word this school year. The word I choose is "Present" . I will focus on being present ...being present to my kids, my Pete, my God, my friends. A friend with 10 kids texted me right before school started and she gently advised me on being present. I needed that word.