Friday, August 30, 2013

Being Present

I guess I should have mentioned that we decided to give public school a-go again this year. It was touch and go throughout the summer, but in the end I knew this was not my year to return to homeschooling. And after this week of big smiles, enthusiasm beyond description, bubbling excitement from all in the house, I feel at peace with where we are right now. Which having peace with decision is huge for me. I'm not sure how long the peace will last...because I already hear myself saying.."Are you kidding me...this is what you will be doing??" DSC_0372




How did I get to this week??? Through lots of prayer. Lots of talking with the kids and Pete. After leaving Alabama in the spring I was more than inspired to try homeschooling again. Seeing my friends, whom I greatly admire, talking with their older girls, I felt my heart opening more to homeschooling again. When I first started to explore the possibility of keeping the kids home again I immediately started to feel great pressure. I decided to put the decision off, at least until we got settled.




 As we got settled the kids began making friends, all of whom go to school. They wanted to try it. And even through all the prayers, I never felt the true desire to teach my kids. I have a desire to keep them close to me...keep them home...but teach them ..???

 As much as I asked God to really open my heart to feeling convicted to teach them ...I never did. Then I kept thinking...act first, the feeling may follow. But the hill just seemed like too much to climb...for me...right now.





 I don't know if I will always feel this was. I have a lot I have asked the Lord for this year and so far this is His answer to this particular prayer. I do know that He has showed me where I need to do this whole "school " thing different, BETTER. I made a lot of errors last year. I mean TONS of errors. Like I think I did it all wrong. But through God's mercy, and another school year, I get to try again.




I think I feel more at peace because I have realized that just because I don't teach them all their school subjects I still have a great amount of influence over them.  For some reason I thought it was all or nothing.  I had to do everything or I might as well do nothing.  But the truth is I am important to these kids whether I teach them at home or they school out of our home.  What Pete and I do in this house is what will form them.  I plan on doing some major forming this year and I think I am first on the menu.  I need to be continually forming myself in order to form them .  I can see this now....



So as we prepared for our back to school I choose a word that would be my word this school year. The word I choose is "Present" .  I will focus on being present ...being present to my kids, my Pete, my God, my friends.  A friend with 10 kids texted me right before school started and she gently advised me on being present.  I needed that word.


  1. Good for you! 6 years ago, I put my kids in public school and it was the right decision, a hard one but the right one. I did it in a VERY strong homeschooling community (Front Royal, VA home of Seton) and was surprised at the loving support I received from my close homeschooling friends because we all really cared about each others kids (I expected more backlash and got a little but not from my circle). We can see all the fruit of that decision because I was tapped, and felt myself not being present because teaching them was taking me to a place I didn't want to be as Mom, and I felt like I was failing them big time. I had visions of them running from the house as soon as they were old enough *sob*. I now, 6 years later, after MUCh prayer have brought my 3 youngest home in order to get the kind of time I got with the older ones - and I'm so happy about this. I tend to be ALL OR NOTHING; GO BIG OR GO HOME much to my own demise. Deciding to just homeschool the younger ones was huge because I didn't see the wisdom in doing so for all of them. We are taking this one year at a time because I struggle with being teacher as well. I really love this post and appreciate your putting it out there.

  2. I have gone back and forth with this decision too - my situation slightly different just because i have two kids with autism. In the end, I decided to homeschool the older ones and let my younger one go to a developmental preschool so he could have the speech therapy and then I could have a couple hours to teach the older ones. It has been a lot of pressure ... but I finally decided the pressure was coming from me having expectations of myself that were coming from society...I was sure I would fail my kids and not teach them what they were "suppose" to know. I'm not sure if I will do this forever...but for now it is right for us. I'm glad your kids are happy and seeking God...and your heart still feeling one way...well...I think that's a sign that this was right. :)

  3. I have been waffling myself lately. Feeling very overwhelmed. For me, however, we live in a terrible school district! I might have chosen a different path if we could afford private school or we lived in a decent school district.
    You are doing what is right for you and your family and how can that be anything but God's will!

  4. This is so what i needed to read tonight.