Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Life Goes On

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I was about to sit and knit a little on my new FAVORITE KNITTING PATTERN EVER, but I had to take a few minutes to say ...thank you all. The comments, e-mails and texts have been heart warming. I was in particular fear of disappointing two of my friends who I no longer live near. Both of these women blessed me with their words of love and prayer. It felt good to have so many people share their stories or thoughts behind this crazy school journey.

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What sent me to the computer instead of knitting Ginny's new fabulous pattern was my friend CC's e-mail....

When I think of you and your life, I think how this must be a blessing for Drew and your littles to 
have a little bit more time with you. 

And that is the piece I left out the other night. I was really feeling the days with my little kids pass by and I was becoming more and more unable to focus on them. Time learning Latin and brushing up on Grammar were sucking moments I could never get back.

 As a Catholic I strongly believe in openness to life..I felt my openness being harder to maintain because of the struggle with home schooling.  Is this the type of mother God was calling me to be? Hushing little kids for the majority of the day so I could do lessons with older kids? I was feeling so "done" by the time lunch came because the 4 hours in the morning WORE ME OUT?? I just wanted everyone to GO AWAY!! Not exactly the loving home I had for Emily and Molly when they were little. My heart knew I needed the change as much as the girls did.

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 I was not making the effort I know I needed to for Jack. He had very few little boy friends because I had NO time for that. Some of these things can be explained by me being selfish- I was selfish to not give up nap times, or quiet weekends in order to have lots of activities for him to get together with other boys.

 So now, I get 3 little kids all day to myself. We go to the playground, read stories throughout the day. We paint nails and take walks. We have lunch and I can listen to everything they have to say. This feels very different. It feels balanced. I think they needed this.

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Now, I will spare you the details of what happens when the 3 big school kids come home...let me just say that we are still working out details to make this fit into our family dynamic.

 I will close with this. My dear friend Kathy left a comment that sat in my tummy for awhile...

The decisions regarding parenting, including schooling are yours and Pete's ALONE and you only have to answer to God, no one else

. I kinda panicked..what would I say to God if he asked me to explain my actions right now..this minute. I have clearly been talking and praying to Him about this all along...but "answer to Him"?? I love them God, all six. I can't choose between who needs me more right now and in which way. But they are not all mine..They belong to You and I know You want them even more than I do. I am letting other people help teach Math, English, Science and History. But I am being their mom right now and loving all of them the best I can!!

 Thanks guys for all your kind words... ***************************************************************

 Now..back to trying to knock out a few rows on Ginny's new pattern. I could not be more proud of her. She created this pattern completely on her own..is that not amazing?? I could have knit a bit more on it yesterday when I finally got the yarn...but I was to busy checking Ravelry watching her pattern get all the way to #3.  It was one of the most exciting days EVER!!!  I was calling her or e-mailing her all day...probably driving her NUTS!!  I could not help myself!!

Check out the pattern even of you are not a knitter..she created this...can you imagine??


..life goes on ...

2 comments:

  1. I hope I don't come off harsh but you have always seemed perfect to me. All of your children sitting around the table doing their school work all of your field trips. It is nice to know that you don't have it all together. I have two daughters teenagers...and I could not figure out how you could do it all with a smile.

    I hope your daughters do well in public school. I pulled my daughters out of public school when they were in the 3 and 6 grade. It was just to hard to be a Christian and be put through all they had to go through. I will be praying for you and your family. You have been blessed with a large family. God will help you during this time just keep leaning on Him!!!

    L.L

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  2. Hi, I've been reading your blog for awhile and have never commented, but after reading your last few posts I felt compelled to. I just started my 6 year old at public kindergarten this year too... I have a 3 and 1 year old at home and we hope to have more later on. Nothing has driven me to my knees more than having my daughter away for so many hours a day but nothing has made me more proud and happy as a mother to see her growing and thriving away from me if that makes sense! The Church does not call us to homeschool, only to see that we educate our children (whether that takes outside help or not!) I have time to teach Sun School and support her education rather than be totally responsible. My prayers are with you!! I have always read because I feel like we would be friends if we lived in the same town! :) I think you made a good decision for your whole family... I think the peace (balance) you talk about now must be God's message that it was right!

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