Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Talking To Myself

 I talk to myself all day...I am always at myself in my own head.  I try to keep it there, in my own head, so my children don't tell Pete that mama walked around muttering to herself all day.
 I am constantly making deals with myself.."You can check out that pattern and yarn on Ravelry right after you sweep these floors."  Or sometimes it's..."Just finish Math with the girls then you can quickly clean up from breakfast."  I can sometimes keep the bargain with myself, and other times I cave in..
 I have been getting myself more and more wrapped up in knitting.  I am not sure how to pace myself with this new obsession.  I find that I am sneaking peaks in magazines and books while I am bringing laundry up the stairs.  I will see kids being peaceful for a few minutes and start in on a row or two or 5.  And before you know it I am late for dinner prep and writing has not been check off for the day.
 Most of this distraction has been good and  not that noticeable to others, at least not that they are saying. But I know what needs to be done and I know I am doing a great job of avoiding it. 
 Yesterday I was feeling super gloomy...I knew exactly what the problem was and I kept trying to get myself out of the funk I was in.  You see on Sunday I spent a few hours knitting a hat that I have been excited about knitting for awhile. Last week I bought this yarn that I thought would be PERFECT for this project.
 Just as I am about to decrease I decide to try it on..IT LOOKED AWFUL!! 
The color..the fit ....EVERYTHING was awful.  I instantly ripped it apart, re-wound the yarn and went to bed feeling SO SAD.  I could not shake the feeling.  I love having a project that I love working on and not having something I LOVED knitting was a complete bummer for me.

 Having something to look forward to during the day makes my day so much brighter.  I need a knit that takes little concentration, but I like things with some pattern changes. 
 So last night, after a somewhat low key day I casted on some cable mittens and I spent 2 hours feeling completely happy once again.  What did I have to say to myself last night after a day of gloominess...
 It went something like this...
"You need to calm down about knitting.  Not every project will be your most favorite, best experience.  You will have to take the good with the bad, and above all be patient.  Even in the "bad" projects good comes.  I learned a lot from buying 20$ yarn for a hat that was so ugly I would not even step out of the bathroom to tear it apart.  The key to all is patience and endurance.  I want to be good at this..I want to make beautiful things.  But nothing good comes from you sulking around all day.  Take heart..another great project is bound to find itself sitting in your pile of great things to do.  Meanwhile..get to bed because it is way to late to think clearly!!"

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