Friday, August 12, 2011

On The Topic Of Friends

 Amongst all the decorating and putting things away we are still in the very hard process of making friends.  And this is a big deal for me..for us.  I like having friends. My kids like having friends.  I have always had a group of friends that I went to High School with that have remained my friends...but I am HORRIBLE about long distance friendships..HORRIBLE!! So sometimes I feel very lonely and FRIENDLESS..
 But what is even harder than that is watching my girls feel friendless.  They had some REALLY good friends in Mobile and they miss them A LOT!!  We have met people here and are working on friendships but now we have had to have some talks about finding the right friend.  As you get older it becomes harder to feel a connection with people and my Emily is feeling that right now...."She's really nice mama...but we don't have much in common." How hard do we try with those people?  Do we keep calling on the neighborhood girl to try to make a connection or just move on?
 I see this more with Emily right now..she is the one who is setting a higher standard..not because she is being picky..just maturing, she wants to feel a connection!! Molly can play with a dust ball and has no problem making connections with anyone or anything.  She made friends at VBS and has been playing with them ever since.  I think it gets harder the older you get or maybe it is certain personalities that struggle more than others.  My best friend in the world Rebecca has like 5 million friends.  I am sure I am not the only one to call her "best friend in the world"...that's just her..she is a friend to everyone.
 My heart has been broken by friends..BROKEN!! like it felt like I just lost a boyfriend type pain.  It took months for the pain to heal.  I could not understand how this amazing friend who I felt so close to, admired so much could just STOP being my friend..move away and never EVER talk to me again.  What did I do?  I replayed the situation in my head and heart so many times and I could not figure out what I had done.  When we met it was an instant connection.  We laughed and could not get enough of each other..it was so...FUN!!  And then ...nothing!
 And all I have left to think is..it was not me.  It was not about me.  Her not being my friend anymore has more to do with her than me.  I know she felt the same way about me. I know I will never understand what happened there but I have given up blaming myself and just coming to the truth that friendships are hard. 
 I did what most people do in those situations, I kept asking what God must want from me and this situation.  How am I to grow through this pain..and boy was it painful.  I still don't know .  And as I watch Emily try to find her place amongst new friends, and  I watch Lucy begin to want to make a friend of her own , and feel Jack's need for a little boy to be friends with I just keep telling them that praying for the right friends is important and I still do it myself .

Knowing these feelings are real and important has helped me to have some perspective.  My kids will go through these type of things and I hope to have the whole making friends thing figured out...
Don't get me wrong...I have so many people in my life who are super amazing friends and I would not be who I am without their influence and support....
I am just reflecting on the past and the present...
A girl needs a friend to meet out for drinks and salty chips and salsa....at least this girl does!!!

12 comments:

  1. Good luck helping your girls and guy navigate through finding friends. It does get harder the older we get. It is HARD when we think we have found a friend and then they for what ever reason stop calling....in the end, it is what it is....and we move on and try again! God Bless!

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  2. The older I get the more I turn to family for the support friends used to give me. I have lost some good friends too, and I realized no matter what we think on the surface some friends are just too different deep down. One friend told me she just couldn't be my friend any more (after 18 years) because I am too pro-life and she is very pro choice. That is a profound fundamental difference of beliefs. Some friends just can't make it across those divides.

    Take your husband for drinks and chips. He's a good guy-- can't believe he got all those drapes! My husband would never have attempted. ;-)

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  3. BTW. In 18 years I never learned that my friend was pro choice which goes to show that friends only reveal what they want you to know. My friend just got tired of hearing about my pro life stance. :-)

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  4. I had to move often when I was young and it made me a strong person! Although it is hard to watch your children go through it, at least they have each other - and YOU! Good luck and hang in there....any neighbors are going to be lucky to have you as a neighbor!

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  5. Funny to me that these are your thoughts today. We moved from CT to NC about 3 weeks ago and I feel the same way. My older son left for college, my 16 yr joined the school soccer team, hubby is busy busy at the new job and I MISS MY GIRLFRIENDS! My BFF's assure me I am very nice and will meet people, but 3 weeks later I am always by myself. I know it will happen, just like it will for you and the kids, but like you, I find the waiting really hard!
    Best wishes for lots of great friends for all of you. Until then they do have each other.
    Take care and may God bless you all with many happy people to meet.

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  6. We moved last year and understand 100% what you wrote....feel the same way. I wish you the best and will keep your family in our prayers.

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  7. Please know, my friend, that your name comes up whenever I speak to any home school family here. You gave us all great friendship. I am sure that there are many families in VA who will want to befriend you and your family. It does take time. Be patient. There is SO much of you that is wonderful sometimes it takes a bit to embrace it all.

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  8. Until we moved to Alaska, I always seemed to have a "best friend" as soon as I got somewhere new--all through college (three of them), living overseas, moving to a new place again and again with my peripatetic dh. Then we got to Alaska and no one came up to me saying, "Do you want to be my friend?" One year passed--zippo, nada, no friends; not for me or my kids. And it's not that I didn't try (I really embarrassed myself trying too hard on a couple of occasions). Life went on, we got on with living our new life in Alaska, homeschooling and doing what needed to be done. Just into our second year I met that wonderful friend I'd been longing for, and she even had children who became friends for my children. What a package!

    Then we came to Tennessee. This time it two and a half years before I met someone who has become a dear friend. My boys have met no one, and it does hurt (I was even tempted to send William to public school just because of this), but we have come to accept that this is just for a season. William and Peter have each other, and that is a HUGE gift. Sarah has been supplied with good friends. I remember no one from high school with any affection (I hated the whole of high school so that probably had a lot to do with it). But my life-long friends were made in college and beyond. I tell my kids to be thankful for each other now and when they get to college, they will have more friends than they know what to do with.

    Kathy

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  9. Finding friends is frustrating! We'll all agree with you! But on a more positive note, these pictures of Priscilla are darling! You always say how she's hard to catch, but these are so cute! Looks like she was really having a great time with the camera!

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  10. Hi Lisa,

    I can completely relate to Emily. As you get older it is increasingly difficult to find friends who you have a genuine connection with. My best advice is to be patient, somebody will definitely come along (just like it finally did for me). All the best to you and your family!

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  11. Thanks for saying that about me. I needed that! I miss you!

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  12. BTW anonymous is me. Couldn't remeber my Google password

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