Wednesday, July 27, 2011

All Done Crying!!

 A good old Coast Guard friend called the other day..poor thing.  I was in the middle of a major medical insurance nightmare and my sweet friend happened to call at the tale end of my drama...
"How are you Lisa?"
Never in her wildest dreams did she think I would tell her how I really was..."Well Kimberly I am a wreck right now..blah..blah..blah about the whole Dr. situation.  I feel as though I should spare you the details..poor Kimberly was not so lucky
 After I took a breathe she said.."Well, I just called to see if you wanted to meet me for a kids concert tomorrow?"  I said.."Yes we would love to come..let me call you right back to get details."
 And when I called this poor friend back I forgot I was calling for details about a fun afternoon I just continued to tell her my every thought on my whole life situation .  And right now my whole life situation is Home Schooling....
 "I just don't know how or why I am doing this anymore...I don't want to waste my whole kids young life with me FRETTING about every move I do or don't do.  I just want to be OK with my choice."
 I said several other things along those lines and my friend just listened and said a few things that really stuck.  She said that while she has chosen to send her kids to traditional school she always wonders about what it would be like to home school them.  She said, "I don't always love what goes on in school!!"
 Me neither!!  I don't always love what goes on with our home school.  I too wonder what it would be like to send my kids to traditional school.  But this is my CHOICE!!  I chose this and now I need to make a choice to embrace and not torture myself with my fear.
 If I choose to sit in a dark room with no lights turned on I can't be sad if I never CHOOSE to turn on the lights.  Same thing with home schooling. I chose to sit in this room and now if I want to stay here like this I have to CHOOSE to make it happen .
 All this sounds simple when I am writing to you..I know the implementation of this choice can be a bit more painful.  But my attitude definitely impacts  the outcome so I have got to have a good attitude going in.  I have to keep myself remembering that we will always wonder what it would be like to not live the life we have been given..to live someone else's life..but what will that get me??
 It will get me 15 years down the road wishing I could do it all over again. I don't want to be at the end of this party and wish that I did it all different.
 I want to enjoy this life of home schooling.  I want to not cry when faced with what lies ahead.  I want to make the right choices for all of us...including me!!
 And this is the right choice for me..staying where God has put me and choosing to embrace and enjoy every moment I can!!

So the bottom line is..I stopped crying..stopped feeling sorry for myself, planned for the 1st 4 weeks of 5th grade and the 1st weeks of 3rd grade..and now I feel..EXCITED!!  I get to do this!!  I GET TO DO THIS!!!

And by the way I had a GREAT time with my friend Kimberly and I never cried once!!

2 comments:

  1. Lisa - I think you have been much too hard on yourself the last few days. You have a lot going on. You finished school, moved, are finding your new role in your community, and still being a mother to five. Oh and not to mention that you are in the middle of forming a new life!!! WOW! You're like Wonder Woman right now:) I'm so glad you found a comfort level for the first few weeks. Time is the most wonderful balm and I really think that is just what you need...don't be afraid to give it to yourself. Now I just need to listen to my own advice :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lisa, I loved our conversation and am happy you felt comfortable with me to share your feelings so openly! Feel free to cry on my shoulder any time! As for homeschooling, I so admire what you were doing and wish that I had your confidence to even give it a try. You've done a fabulous job so far and I know you will continue to make such a wonderful impact on your kids' lives. And yes, we all had a great time yesterday too!

    ReplyDelete

BLOG TEMPLATE BY DESIGNER BLOGS